The Realities of Change
Today is not the first day of anything. It is the next day of my life. It is a continuation of a path toward a life I want to live, toward a Lia that I want to be. And yet is it? If I'm bumming around, as I've been bumming around for the last week, wondering what to do with myself, then is it a day that brings me toward a Lia that I want to be? Why am I not that Lia right now? I am, in fact, that Lia. I am a yoga practicing, psychology reading, backpacking, life loving, cautiously risk-taking, Lia. And so are you. Well, any variety of adjectives and action words that you choose. And you know what makes you that version of yourself right now? By doing those things right now. If you want to be a yogi, go practice yoga. If you want to be healthy, you can actually make a small change today. If you want to quit smoking, you can have one less cigarette. But why would you?
We forget that we are truly and absolutely only accountable to ourselves. It is no one's fault for your lack of activity or lack of initiative on your dreams. It's your own fault and it is your fault for your steps toward who you want to be. It is your responsibility to take care of you. Nobody else's, and in case you hadn't figured it out yet, society is NOT going to take care of you. You are accountable to what makes you happy. So what makes you happy? And how can you hold yourself accountable? I've found, for example, that saying I'm going to do something on my blog does NOT make me feel accountable. Sorry guys, but I just have never really felt compelled to do things because other people expect me to (except my family). BUT when I write out an accountability checklist that I tick off at the end of everyday, knowing that if I check all those items off I'll feel accomplished and fulfilled with my day, I am accountable and I follow through. I actually do those things consistently and then guess what? I'm being the Lia I want to be. Because, the fact remains, she has always been here. SO find your method of accountability. Hold yourself accountable. You're not working toward a future version of yourself because that version is already here.
I write this in leu of the many changes in my life. The reality of changing everything is not pretty. It's not easy, but it has led me to some amazing places and lessons. The blessing here, for me, is that I essentially wiped the slate clean. I'm single, jobless, and without a binding living arrangement. This means that I can properly start over. Most people I know dream about this opportunity. And so, I've decided to do what I believe in and use my happiness, that true internal glow, as my compass in making my future decisions. I spent a good 2 months wallowing and moping about. My excitement for life has been seriously wavering and is still nowhere near where it was. My energy levels have been steady but low, and I just haven't been caring all that much about all that much. It will take a while for me to get excited about love again, and about so many other things, but I know I'll balance out. Everything is temporary, including this, BUT it is time to hold myself accountable for being the Lia I already am.