Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Homeless and Happy

Hello Friends and Family!

It's been a while I know.  It's also been exceptionally interesting and somewhat dramatic.  I'm a story teller, so I will be telling my stories on here.  Some people don't approve of my candidness at times, but it is a huge part of who I am.  So, my story.  It may ramble, and it may be a bit longer than usual, read as you like.  Let's start where we left off.

I did complete that Flirty in 30 challenge and my after pictures show some nice results.  Considering my traveling and not super strict diet.  I ate well, but certainly enjoyed a few farmer's market treats every week.  I was really happy with the whole month though simply because I love dancing and weight lifting.  It was great.  I even LOVED that feeling of working hard and knocking out at the end of the day.  3 hours of classes will do that.  I'd have loved to continue at Flirty Girl.  I did get a free month and a bunch of other awesome gifts for being one of the first 30 people to complete the challenge, but then my life got a tad dramatic.

I'm not usually one to share the dramatics of my personal life publicly, but this time around it became very appropriate.  As you know, I gave a past relationship another chance, but as my private cooking client so aptly said "Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun when they missed you the first time."  This was like the 4th chance or something.  You'd think I would have learned.  I've been asked about my sudden departure from Chicago by many so I thought having it in one place would be convenient.

This is almost 2 weeks after I got my first proper, sealed shut black eye, couldn't work or see dimensions. My poor mom doesn't need to see the full thing again.  Let's just say it was a nasty black eye.  Now, my ex-boyfriend wasn't aiming for my face he was aiming for someone else's face and I tried to stop him from beating up someone who had nothing to do with me or with my ex.  Poor guy, just happened to be in front of my ex's face at the wrong time.  Long story short, I got a black eye, poor random coworker got a mouth full of blood and a concussion.

Domestic violence and abuse are not just about angry couple screaming at each other and hitting each other or one hitting the other.  If one party is destructive and constantly puts the other at risk for injury or death, aka indirectly causes injury to the other, it is violence and abusive.  There really is no excuse, even though I gave so many throughout, I'm never going to be okay with abusive behavior again.  Understanding, ok, but staying with, not so much. Guilting is the easiest form of manipulation that people learn as children and can use to their advantage as adults.  After this whole debacle for example, my ex blamed me for pouring his drinks too strong, for not paying him enough attention at this goodbye party (one of my work friends was leaving.  We were saying goodbye), for not being there for him when I should have been (if I had known there was any issue or tension or drama, I totally would have been).  That night was actually an amazing night with friends and coworkers. We were all very happy and relaxed.  One person was not, and he needed to make sure everyone else got on the same page as him.  Angry, insecure, and destructive.

So my amazing dad flew out here, helped me pack everything up, shipped it out to CT where him and my mom live, and basically keep me company so I didn't curl up in a ball for days on end.  I couldn't work at the restaurant, so I just told them not to schedule me anymore since I had to leave Chicago.  I got out of my lease easily because of domestic violence laws, and now I'm free as a bird.  My ex lost his job, his apartment, and his girlfriend all in one fell swoop.  I hope he learns, but considering things, he is very good at repeating his old patterns. I hope he learns anyway.

I'm not really homeless obviously.  I'm loving my life right now.  I'm happier than I've been in about a year.  Life is beautiful again and I'm excited about everything.  I'm looking forward to my days and evenings, to the people I choose to associate with, and the work I'm doing.  I'm really glad that all of this happened.  I got rid of all of my main stressors in one move.

I spent a week with my parents to stay away from the ex because I honestly did not trust myself not to see him or want to hold him again.  It's twisted, but it also makes sense in a way.  Psychology stuff.  I knew I needed to block communication and get far away, and that's what I did.  It worked well enough.  The safety and security of my family was a privileged treat.

I had an event just outside of Chicago that I had been working on with my friends at Edible Alchemy so I returned to Chicago after my wallow week at home. I spent a week in nature cooking and working with food.  I met amazing people who are full of positivity and honesty, and it was the perfect therapy for me.  I was able to really start processing and working through what had just happened.  How I had let a person like him into my life, kept him there, and even shared a home with him.  In the end you question yourself.  Where was my rational mind when I needed it?  Why did I keep giving him chances?  What did I believe about the relationship?  Never be with someone for who they want to be.  Be with them for who they are.  Even if they beg you.  Especially if they beg you actually.  I'm glad I'm out, and hopefully I won't fool myself like that again.

So now what?  I have no idea, and I love it.  Before, when I was stressed all the time, sad, not myself, I was craving stability and a clear path for work.  Now, I'm so happy to have no bills, no debt, lots of friends willing to help me and I help them, some potentially great opportunities for work this coming year, and for adventures out west next summer. I'm not worried about much these days, and that feels great.  I have my own schedule, a very modest lifestyle, but so satisfying.  I'm in no rush to enter the system of work eat sleep consume, follow expectations of society.  Just not in the mood for that right now.  And it feels GOOOOOOOOOOD!


Unknown said...

This was so uplifting but honest. I love all the clarity you found and I think it's inspiring.

Unknown said...


So fulfilling and rich.
You should take up writting. Honestly.

So glad you passed this ordeal so fast and in such a possitive way.

A really big hug.