My Ankle

3 Legs

Ya, so on Friday night I fractured my ankle. I was playing around, I guess, and tried to kick my friend in the but, playfully of course, and I landed funny on my ankle. I have an air cast and crutches for 3 weeks. I don't really know how to deal with this situation since I really have never been injured before. I don't like the restriction on my physical abilities. I want to stay active, so I think I will just have to be creative in how I exercise now. Also, I won't be able to participate in practical, so I'm trying to shuffle things around for that. I can't perform for dance either, which is a really big bummer.

It's Okay

My mom told me that something positive will come out of this, and I do believe that. It is the tough stuff that makes us stronger. And as Albert put it, since I have never been injured before this is actually a good experience since it is new. It will show me how I deal with this stuff and what I can do with it. I think I sound a bit rediculous since some people hurt themselves much worse and have permanent damage, but it is just very different and new to me. I always prided myself on being physically able, so I think I just need to accept this.

Acceptance

I was thinking this morning about acceptance and I realized that I can accept people very easily, but not situations. I have always believed that situations can be changed for the better. But then I also think back to trail when I had gotten to a point where I realized that no matter what my situation, the only thing I could do is be happy about it and make the best of it. I think, specifically, back to my first long trip when I fell in a river and everything got wet and I had a moment where time slowed down and there were clearly two options, cry and get uncomfortable, be homesick and lonely etc, or just accept it, know that things will dry, it is only temporary and it is only water.

Growing Older and Bitter...Not Yet

This was also the time when I had stopped complaining, hardly ever looked at things negatively, and always automatically saw the good in every situation. A lot of that has changed recently. I have been trying to identify the cause of my turn toward a more negative mentality. It is in my control to change it of course, but something, in me, or externally, influenced this regression. I can partially attribute it to the company I have been keeping. Not the most positive, actually some of the most negative people. I am now trying to restrict my time spent with them, but it is hard when one is your roomate. I think it is also the effect of society, since I am in this school that has a very "pretentious" and closed minded mentality at times, something I was able to escape whenever I was out camping. A low judgement zone, the woods. A third aspect is being away from the person who I feel most stable and happy with. This situation has to be accepted somehow I know. I am working on that. The last reason/ influence on my outlook, was that I was doing very little of the things that made me really happy like dancing, painting, and camping.

Progress

I started dancing again and felt a huge lift and positive energy return to me. It gives me perspective. I need to tackle the other ones. The awareness of the negativity from my roommate actually helped a lot because I was then able to change my negative thoughts into positive ones and ask her, whenever she complained, "what do you like about the situation?" I think it is helping a bit. I just have to stick it through the society, but I try to surround myself with more open minded people, which helps. The long distance relationship thing is probably my biggest challenge right now, and when I sit and ask myself how I can deal with it better, what would make me happier right now, it is just to have faith in it, not to worry about what could go wrong or how much better things would be if he was here. It is to be happy that he is in my life at all and the situation is what it is right now. For the last topic, I will be painting more since I cannot dance right now, and I will go on crutch hikes, apparently that is a better workout than regular hiking, and I'll certainly have the time. It will be like a vacation where I can really focus on my own thing, reconnecting with what I love, reading more too.

Well this turned into a pretty in depth post. I guess I just needed to write it all out, to help me organize and understand what I need to do for myself right now.

Thanks for listening